After writing yesterday, I cooked up a dinner to put in the oven and was planning on mowing the grass with Judy's help, However, cooking is hard - doesn't require enough brain work, I think, and the last steps off the cooking probably had an added ingredient of tears. It very quickly went into "hysteria" and I think even Keith was about to go into panic mode from frustration as to what to do to help. I sms'd Judy to tell her I was incapable of mowing and in a little while she came over. After a while, I just got better - and I don't even know why.
Judy persuaded me to go for a walk, quite a long way actually and I am a bit stiff today. Then, this morning Judy and I mowed all the grass at 8am!
This morning the Alpine Breast Care Nurse, Kerry, phoned me to ask how I was going and as soon as I told her, she took the problem out of our hands and phoned my doctor immediately. As far as I understand it, accumulated stress depletes seratonin and I may have been short of it before this diagnosis. Not only that, the type of cancer I have "feeds on oestrogen and progesterone", both of which affect mood. I have now had my medication changed but it won't have an immediate effect, so I have been advised to keep working on my own ability to cope and to take the valium tablet as soon as I feel the first symptoms of attack. All this helps - tools on both sides - physical and mental. It is 4.43pm and I am still holding together!!!
On the plus side, I read:
Today's riddles need today's answers. This back and forth allows your life to rise continually, because at the deepest level you are inviting the challenges to become more difficult - with greater mysteries come greater revelations (Chopra again).
Something about this reminded me of the words of Camus that saved me in 1975:
In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an
invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter
how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something
stronger – something better, pushing right back. – Albert Camus, The Stranger
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