Monday and still in a cloud.

It is now 5 days since my surgery and I still don't feel normal. however I am going to try and express it. I have just had a long conversation with my Dorrigo friend, Shirley who has just been told she has her second suspicious "lump" and needs a another biopsy. We shared our feelings and we both felt a little better for it.

Maybe the anaesthetic has not completely worn off - the anaesthetist said it would take 2 weeks! I wake up, not wanting to get off the bed and when I do drag myself up, my legs shake, my brain does not seem to work, I have no motivation to do my usual happy activities. My arm is still a little sore but I am frightened to pick things up for fear of complications. I drag myself from small chore to another. The only thing I want to do is read to escape from reality. Shirley said she feels she is a character in a story but it is not her in the story. It is all wrong.

I don't have confidence that the pathology results will be good - why should they be?

I can't read my Buddhist book, but I did see a very old Helen Steiner Rice poem that probably says it all.

Look Beyond

Until you feel better

Be patient and wait

For patience is truly

A wonderful trait...

For most of the battles

Of life are won

By looking beyond

The clouds to the sun,

And having the patience

To wait for the day

When the sun comes out

And the clouds float away.