Up Yesterday and Down Today

Yesterday I had a real treat. We went to Albury and I didn't have to go to a doctor or hospital - it's ages since that happened. Keith and I did some shopping, including searching for a birthday present handbag and then  had lunch at what seems to be our favourite lunch place at  the moment - "Jones, the Grocer" - good lunch, good coffee and good price WITH CLASSICAL MUSIC! Then I met up with Kaye so she could help me buy a new blouse - bought two! It is so much more fun to buy clothes with Kaye, rather than on my own. We also finalised the choice of the handbag. I even talked to Kaye about plans for managing the 6 weeks of daily trips to Albury for radiation and told her that lots of people had told me it was no big deal until the last few weeks. So I wasn't worried - yesterday!

Today, I woke up early and very unhappy, after a very broken night of sleep. Lots of audio book listening during last night. After talking to Keith about how I felt - he suggested I blog about it - it does help. Today I feel differently about the radiation. I am frightened of what it does to the body. I know it kills cancer cells but it there are possibilities of temporary (ok) and long term damage and even further disease. They tell you that these days they are cleverer and the risk is low but it is still there.
Then there are the drugs I will have to take for 5 years - well it is not a good idea to look at the possible side effects of those.

So today, I am fearful. Today I have lost faith in my own body to keep healthy. Before December 19, 2014, I was a healthy person - even quite fit. Now I am contaminated. I would like to curl up and sleep, and wake up about May this year, when I can get on with my life, go bush walking and do all my usual things, but mainly I want to feel like my body is clean.

However, in a minute, I will make a list of what I hope to achieve today and tonight we are going to Tim's to celebrate Karen's birthday (Tim's mother-in law). So, writing this blog has made me feel better.

How I feel  Please look at this - it is pretty cute.