Sunday, the Roller Coaster Day

Up

Yesterday, as I wrote in the last post, I woke up in control and doing positive cooking etc Keith praised me for my surprising bravery. It didn't last!

Down
Keith phoned Irene and Jim, and Jan & Grant (more of our lovely friends) and when I heard the words "Wyverne has been diagnosed with breast cancer", I went into a huge down. Those words! I didn't just weep - I had another explosive vent of emotion that took quite a long time and a tablet to calm down.

Up
I went to pick up Di to to put up the Xmas tree at Tim's. Sr Eileen happened to call at the same time (well maybe Di had something to do with that, but maybe not, maybe a higher power!). Sr Eileen is a beautiful lady who is a retired teacher and now is sort of protector, supporter of all in need along the Kiewa Valley. More tea, hugs, laughter and tears. Finally we continued to Tim's where Karen and Erik (Tim's parents-in-law) were busily preparing the house, lawns and swimming pool for our family to enjoy over Xmas. Now Karen's mother has had breast cancer and Erik's mother also, so they are well experienced in my problems.  More tea and coffee - I am not drinking coffee so they found a herbal tea in the pantry for me. So, escape from my reality for a while. Di took over the tree and Xmas light erection - I seem to have lost my organisation skills - something I am usually proud of. How in the dickens do you put the tree together?

Down
On arrival back at Di's, I admitted that I didn't want to go home. Why? I had to face my reality again.

Up
Emails and sms's are pouring in with most beautiful words of comfort and affirmation. Yesterday Di told me I "was a beautiful soul and that I had an aura about me". I laughed but she insisted. I replied, well so many people are saying it, "maybe I am a bit beautiful" - more laughter.
Keith had watered all my plants and prepared a dinner that I enjoyed and ate the whole plate full. So, washed up and tried to watch some TV - and knit. Judy arrived with cookies and chocolate balls for our Xmas spread. Oh Judy, your love and help is so much appreciated. But I soon went down again.

Down
Keith held me in my uncontrollable despair unit I fell asleep. I had decided to try a drugless sleep again and it worked till I woke at 6.

A tiny " "UP'
This morning, through the tears (very difficult), I read more wisdom form Deeprak Chopra but I had to give up and it was no good trying to meditate.

Down
Had a shower to try to wash it away, but you know, nothing would wash away. I am struggling to see the computer keys and screen, so will close. I have to confess to taking a tablet.

Keith is still asleep and I am trying to keep him asleep. This whole thing must be exhausting him, but he never complains - is serene, loving and patient.

We have to do breakfast and go to town - shopping and the dreaded appointment with the specialist. I have to say I am very scared. I have to admit to anger as well. What was the point of all my healthy eating, exercise and spiritual growth efforts?